Filler Kiss
by BeckonBacon
Summary: [SasuxNaru, Filler-crack] Sasuke is livid. No one touched, much less kissed, what was his. "Second, third and fourth? Were you planning on telling me any of these at all!" The director ends up frustrated. "Go back to Sound, Uchiha!" If Sasuke showed up in Shippuden episodes 68-69.


Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto.

**Important note**: This story is written in reference to the current filler arc of Naruto Shippuden! To be specific, it is based on the events of episode 68-69. If you haven't watched episodes 58 onwards, you will be confused! It's preferable if you're up to date with the manga. But if you want to read it anyway, well, just know that there has been a filler character (Fuuka) kissing Naruto all over the place (something which I believe many female fans are complaining about). This story caters to SasuxNaru fans. If you are offended by the pairing, don't read. You have been warned.

**Another note:** The 2nd Shippuuden movie, Kizuna, was screened in Japan's cinemas around the time this story was written. Why do I mention this? Well... read on.

* * *

**Filler Kiss** (one-shot)

All battle in Konoha ceased as ominous flashes of lightning built up in the sky, storming dangerous within the hold of an enormous black cloud, trying to break free and destroy all unfortunate enough to cross their paths. The tremendous crashes of thunder that tore through the night set the entire village on edge, making their hairs stand and their skins sweat, and trapped down at the power-plant within a chakra force-field, Asuma trembled in fear for the fate of their beloved village.

"Is this 'limelight'(1)? Is this the end?" Elsewhere, across Konoha, his murmured statement was similarly reflected in the minds of the shinobi force. At the southern gate, more commonly known as the main gates, a group of remarkable jounins and chuunins turned to stare at the scene in terror, watching the bright cracks of light gain form, intensity and frequency at a frightening rate. It was blinding, but they could somewhat make out the forms of two figures fighting on the rooftops, their clothes fluttering violently in the wind. One was clad in dark pink, the colour rather unsaturated due to the night, while the other stood out boldly in… white and black.

…Then all tension was lost as Ino squealed. Loudly. The dramatic music orchestrated in the background screeched to a sudden halt as everyone turned to look at her.

"What is it, Ino?!" Shikamaru inquired in alarm. The blonde's wide aquamarine eyes were the only feature that could be seen on her face, her hands having clamped over her mouth after her outburst. Muffled squeaks and 'eeps' made their way out every now and then, and finally frustrated, stressed with the tension and their supposedly impending doom, Shikamaru heaved a sigh and told her to spit it out.

"I-It's… It's-" Ino pointed a shaky finger in the previous direction they were looking at, an ecstatic smile revealed on her uncovered face. Everyone turned in unison to look again, not knowing what she was referring to. Then all was made clear as an enraged but familiar voice pierced through the air, and a huge burst of screeching lightning spilt down from the heavens in the shape of a gigantic beast.

"KIRIN!" The beast roared deafeningly and smashed into the building the fighting duo was perched on. It crumbled into a big dusty cloud and even bigger pile of rubble. The group of ninjas stood still like statues, stunned by the display. Then Kiba decided to voice out everyone's thoughts.

"Huh? What's Sasuke doing here?!"

Ino squealed again in fangirl enthusiasm, and the angry director came stomping out to them.

"CUT! What the hell?! This isn't in the script!" He waved a compiled booklet of paper around furiously, threw it down, and then looked around wildly. "Which of you morons tipped the Uchiha off?! He wasn't supposed to know, damn it!"

The group watched in interest as the modernised man stalked off towards the battle ground, his assistants scurrying timidly after him, screaming "CUT!" at the other groups of filming crew stationed here and there. Then they glanced at each other in bewilderment, shrugged, and followed shortly afterwards, in Ino's case with a skip in her steps and squeal on her lips.

* * *

Naruto was in a daze. Everything had happened so fast. One moment his was flat on his back with a heavy weight pinning him down, feeling a wet, sloppy, muddy something tugging and sucking on his lips, and the next it was suddenly off him, trashing and shrieking something incoherent. He could have sworn he saw a flash of spinning Sharingan eyes burning an angry red somewhere in the fray. He couldn't see much of anything now though, with the afterimage of the bright lightning on his retina. Couldn't hear much of anything either. He almost felt handicapped, and it was discomforting. He wobbled to his feet and tried blinking away the brightness before his eyes.

"Y-You little bastard!" the angry screech came from that strange woman with the collection of elemental chakra. Oh good, his hearing was coming back. "How dare you destroy my precious body!" Honestly, he really couldn't understand the fixation females had with their physical looks. He could imagine her now, her body reforming, or… or exchanging, or something he couldn't understand the concept behind… back into a perfectly sculpted figure that many women would die for. It irked him how some enemies just kept coming back again and again and again without end, like that bastard Orochimaru, and Naruto couldn't help but wish they would fight fair for once. Ugh… When was this blindness going to go away? He had to fight! And who was she talking to-?

"You had it coming, you filler whore!" Naruto froze at the reply. "How dare _you_ touch him so inappropriately! I'll turn even your bones into ash!" There was a crackle followed by the chirping of a thousand birds, then a tumble of rocks as somebody moved. Chidori… Naruto turned blindly, frantically, searching for the owner of the voice that he knew so well through a haze of blurry images.

"S-Sasuke?!" he called incredulously over the racket of Kakashi's famous lightning technique, rubbing furiously at his eyes to clear his vision. What the hell was going on? There was a crash of breaking stone somewhere further away and as the sounds of Chidori faded, Fuuka's gleeful laughter came to take its place.

"Why, are you jealous?" she taunted mischievously. He could hear the smirk she must be wearing. "…Ah, you must be the one he was talking about before! 'Even though it was with a guy' he said. But then, first kisses are no big deal, not after I took his second, and third, and the fourth!" There was a sudden shift of rocks again as Naruto saw two forms leap off in another attack, and then Fuuka went crashing to the ground, having underestimated her opponent's speed. She yelped in pain as the jagged rocks dug into her back and Naruto found himself mirroring her exclamation a moment later when he tripped over the uneven flooring in his haste to get to them, or one of them to be more specific. Another set of bright lights burst before his eyes as his head smacked into something hard and sharp on his way down.

Oh for the love of… He wanted to see, damn it!

Someone called his name in panic. He felt more than heard the crunch of gravel that signified the caller's arrival to help him up and cradle him in her lap, and he recognised the soothing green chakra that flow from her hands, healing his painfully throbbing head. He suspected it was bleeding too, because Sakura was dabbing cloth around the area of impact as she scolded him for his carelessness. "For goodness sake, watch where you're going Naruto! You're so clumsy!" He grinned weakly at her in response, like he always did. "What's got you so distracted anyway-?" His teammate's posture shifted, probably to look up, then she gasped with such a force that he knew she had seen what he could not.

"Is it him? Sasuke's here?" he asked desperately for confirmation, still dizzy from his collision. Sakura's stunned silence said enough, but Sasuke's cry of "Chidori Nagashi!" gave full authentication. The shrill buzz of electric currents lit up the air together with their bluish flare, and Naruto had to smile at the scene, though to an outsider, he probably looked more like he was enjoying Fuuka's screams of pain. He could hardly imagine himself a sadist though, and Naruto had the urge to ask Sakura to knock the lady out, not out of sympathy, but just to shut her up, and then pound Sasuke's head in for everything he put them through. Then team seven would finally be reunited, and he'll become Hokage, though he and Sasuke would have to gain chuunin rank first, and then-

"Stop! Stop, stop, STOP! Uchiha! What in the seven levels of hell are you doing here?! Get your ass back to Sound! You ruined the scene!"

Wha-? …Oh, wait. Wasn't this a filler episode? Aw shucks!

Sakura was verbally protesting the director's intrusion as loudly as he was inside. Inner Sakura beat both of them by practically screaming vulgarities.

* * *

They should have known better that he didn't take orders from anyone, especially not from people who hid things from him. He didn't even listen much to Orochimaru, which was saying something, and speaking of that vile snake… no wonder he had trained him so intensely these past months. It was all a conspiracy to keep him distracted and busy. If he hadn't heard from Suigetsu, who by the way hasn't even had screen time yet knew everything that was going on (blatant unfairness), all this… _indecency_, would continue going on right under his nose and he wouldn't even know! How much of his Naruto had they violated?! Somebody was going to _die_. Many people would, and Orochimaru was going to be one of them…

So would the director…

"Are you deaf, Uchiha?! You're not supposed to be here! Go back to Sound!"

"And this arc is not supposed to be part of the storyline! Shut the hell up!" he growled back rebelliously, Sharingan fierce and as red as the blood boiling in his veins. "Second, third and fourth? Were you planning on telling me any of these at all? You fucking son of a b-!"

"Language, young man," Genma piped up from behind the camera guy, the latter swivelling around to catch a shot of the jounin's face. Sasuke recognised the man as the cool-headed referee from the chuunin exams. Poor guy… Fillers did him no justice, or to anyone really; it was the worst case of fan-service ever provided. There was a moment where the director palmed his face in furious exasperation and shifted his attention to the jounin, warning him to stay out of the matter if it didn't concern him. The senbon in Genma's mouth started shifting and twitching around irritably as he bit at the end between his teeth.

"And that technique, Uchiha! You weren't supposed to use it until your fight with Itachi!" the director was shouting at him again. "Can you read?! Follow the goddamn script!" The man shook his hand holding an invisible something, probably the script he mentioned, which… obviously wasn't there. Just goes to show the plot was non-existent. So why did he have to do as he was told? That fucking hypocrite. He decided to tell the director so, marvelling in the sight of the man's face turning deep red with veins bulging in his temples. The man would have resembled that Hyuuga girl had he been flushed with embarrassment and had white eyes. Sasuke made known his opinions again and the man finally exploded. Metaphorically, instead of literally though... What a shame.

"There IS a freaking script you bastard!" the director roared, almost mauling his nearest assistant for a copy of the week's script. "SEE?! See this?! Prove! Ha! Now, get lost and stop wrecking the set! And let Fuuka go! Back to positions! Everybody!" He made wide shooing motions with his arms which, to the Uchiha's satisfaction, no one followed.

It was then that Sasuke noticed the crowd of onlookers that had gathered around them, interestingly all shinobi. They were clustered around the wreckage in groups mostly based on their scenes, either standing at ground level or perched high up on the surrounding roofs to get a good view. The director was trembling in rage as he hollered his orders again. The audience shuffled in their spots reluctantly, hoping to see some more entertainment. At the back, among a group of her peers, Ino was adamantly refusing to move even as a filming crew member begged her to get back to work. She caught his gaze and squealed very loudly in a fashion he was familiarised with. "I support you, Sasuke-kun!" She probably wouldn't sing the same tune if she knew what he was here for.

His eyes trailed over to the foot of the debris pile. Sakura was apologising profusely to a woozy blond who had acquired another severe headache due to the kunoichi's lost of concentration during the healing. Naruto was waving her away, muttering something about grabbing him and strapping him down before he could escape, and Sasuke almost smiled at the scene, feeling bittersweet… until the director decided to ruin his mood once more.

"Do you people have a problem too?! Get back to work for heaven's sake!"

"Yeah, _I_ have a problem," came a defiant reply. Everyone hushed as they turned to a frowning Genma who had reached breaking point, and the air was tensed with an anticipation at the development of things.

"You know, I think the kid's on to something," Genma nodded to Sasuke. "Honestly, fillers? I mean, we-" he gestured nonchalantly at his fellow comrades, especially Izumo and Kotetsu "-spend our whole lives in the backdrop without any purpose but to be cannon fodder, ninjas with no decent fight scene. Well, I understand the point of being a _side_ side-character, but can't we get a bit more respect around here?" A shockwave seemed to pass through the grounds as the crowd started whispering in agreement. "Most of us are chuunin and jounin, some special jounin like me, yet all we're seen doing is brandish kunai and shuriken that doesn't hit, and get stuck in a story arc that makes no sense. Where's our share of the awesome action?!" There was a rising cheer. "I didn't live through the ninja war for nothing! Why does the enemy get all the mind-blowing techniques?"

The huge mound of dirt that stood in the distance was a testament to his claims. The director was hit by a wave of vehement protests that overwhelmed him.

"Genma's right! Where are our techniques?!" some unknown jounin yelled.

"Konoha's forces are stronger than this!" another bellowed.

"An entire village unable to defeat a bunch of doton users?! Ridiculous!"

"BATTLE ROYALE!(2)" the voice of a teenage male echoed from the distant hills, and this time, Naruto began muttering about how 'Sora is an idiot' as Sakura shook her head tiredly.

The field burst into activity. The filming crew were struggling to hold back the rioting crowd. But they might as well not try because it was common sense that civilians don't match up to a bunch of skilled ninjas, even less when they were terribly outnumbered. The director was negotiating furiously with a trio of jounins who had managed to get to him, especially to the one who was threatening the man with a wicked kunai. It was all very amusing to watch, so much that he didn't realise Fuuka had regained consciousness…

"Ara, where are you looking now boy?" Shit! That voice-! "Suiton: Ja no Kuchi!"

All it took was one second for the mood to crash back into chaos as a blast of water slammed into his torso, hurling him far away from his opponent before it smashed him to the ground, the pressure heavy. Sasuke caught a glimpse of Fuuka's malicious smirk as he sliced the water apart and slipped out of its hold, and without a second thought, he sent his lightning chakra blade straight towards her ("You aren't supposed to use that until your fight with Orochimaru!" the director screamed from somewhere). It slashed her shoulder just as she sunk into the mud and rose out again, her new destination right before the remnants of team seven. It was a sign when instead of glaring at him for the wound like she normally would, the woman sneered and licked her lips…

She must think him very stupid.

Fuuka descended upon her target swiftly just as a wave of mud washed out from the soil to impede his path. With a flash of katana the obstruction was sliced apart to make way for him. In another flicker, he was a bare metre away from her. But even so she could tell she was two seconds ahead of him. "Too slow!" she jeered in triumph. The woman's pink nailed fingers grabbed hold of the front of Naruto's black and orange jumpsuit and yanked him forward for a deadly kiss. However… Sasuke surprised her when he merely smirked, and Naruto was ripped back from her hands to be entrusted into his.

"Who said he was trying to stop you? Aren't you forgetting _someone_?!"(3)

There was the sound of flesh meeting intended contact as Sakura swung her fist forward, snarling with all the fury of her inner demon.

To tell the truth, Sasuke hadn't really expected much at first, but then again, Sakura's temper had been notorious since their genin days. Couple that with the training she must have gotten during his time away, he should have known she would become quite a force to be reckoned with. It was something he hadn't noticed during their last meeting at Orochimaru's hideout, since she had been protected and kept out of the battle by team seven's replacement captain. It was nostalgic to hear Sakura's battle cry, especially when it was on _his_ side.

"Shannaro! Keep away from him, you slut!"

It was the first time he ever appreciated her brutish behaviour.

Fuuka was slammed so hard into the wall of the next building that a hole was smashed right through it, pieces of brick crumbling from the edges. Her body, broken and beyond repair, collapsed into earth and another took its place. Sakura charged and punched her again, this time with less power and in the other cheek, but it was only because the director was about to burst a blood vessel, or go insane.

"For goodness sake! Can't anyone follow the script?!" The man's existence was promptly ignored, the crowd being far too entertained to follow instructions.

* * *

It was one of those rare times that Shizune ever allowed the Godaime to have sake during working hours, and it was only given the fact that the usual paperwork was all technically gone, scattered and torn all over the wrecked office. The cold night wind that blew through the broken windows shifted the fallen objects here and there, messing up the place even further. Goodness knows her mentor was going to need the intoxication. After all these, the work was going to pile back up so, so high that Tsunade would never be able to glimpse the edge of the top. The Hokage was sipping her wine noisily from where she leaned against the window frames, slightly vexed.

"Kids these days can't control their emotions at all," a sigh was breathed out in a single rush, "Of all the things, he inherited Oro-baka's stubborn compulsiveness…"

"I don't know about compulsiveness, but it's quite romantic, I think." Tsunade gave her a disbelieving look and she blushed in embarrassment. Sometimes Shizune tend to confuse her mentor's age, forgetting that Tsunade was no longer a young woman with fantasy dreams.

"Romantic? Bah. You don't know what you're talking about, Shizune. Back in my day, the guys send flowers. What ever happened to tradition?" Here, Shizune had to stifle a giggle. She wondered if the other knew how old she sounded saying that.

"I believe that only applies if the receiver is a female, Tsunade-sama. Naruto's a guy too."

The elder rolled her eyes with a kind of weariness. "It doesn't give the Uchiha brat any justification to wreck an entire building in my village though."

"You're just upset at the amount of paperwork this will cause, aren't you?"

"…Yeah, I guess," there was another sigh. "Damn fillers. Just look at this horrid mess." They both stared out the window that oversaw Konoha. It was still pitch black; the power plant was still down. Smoke billowed in the distance, and dust mingled in the winds and irritated their throats.

Ah… What a mess.

"When Naruto becomes Hokage, I'm going to laugh in his face."

Shizune finally lost control and giggled at the words. Tsunade simply smiled.

* * *

It was surreal to have Sasuke here with him just two weeks after the fiasco in Grass country. Back then, the Uchiha had threatened to kill him, yet now, he was treating him like a teddy bear. It was frustrating to say the least, being led in opposite directions one after the other, and Naruto had the feeling as though he was pulled around on a leash. He wasn't servitude, damn it! Regardless of how the series portrayed him!

"Can you make up your goddamn mind?!" he screeched back to the one cuddling him. "And stop moving your hands _everywhere_, bastard!"

"No," Sasuke replied, effectively squashing both demands with a single word.

The director was in tears by now and was being comforted by his employees as he wailed about how the two of them were ruining the ending reunion, whatever that meant. Sasuke told him not to mind it. "It's a filler episode. Unimportant. We can do whatever the hell we want." It made him think for a while. …Did that mean all his training with Asuma-sensei was for nothing?! Aw, man! Double blow for him! Sasuke smiled as he seethed and raved about the unfairness of everything, a spark of warmth visible in those dark eyes. It was something he knew he wouldn't see again for a long, long time.

"…Does that also mean you're leaving soon?" Naruto felt a deep plunge in his chest. "I don't want you to go."

"Unfortunately, yes," Sasuke grumbled, eyeing their desperate director out the corner of his vision. The man was contemplating vocally about sending for Orochimaru to drag him back to Sound. "But I'm not going anywhere until I've accomplished what I came here for…"

Naruto regarded him with curiosity. "And what would that be?" It terrified him when Sasuke smirked in a manner that sent shivers down his back.

He vaguely wonders if he should have asked…

"I have an ambition," the other began in reminiscence of their first meeting, the tone completely identical. "The destruction of this Fuuka woman-" Here he made the well timed dramatic pause, then shifted the blond in his arms so they could face each other better "-and… purging you of her taint."

Neither of them heard the uproar when Sasuke's lips pressed down onto his, one caught too unaware, while the other indulged himself with no restrain. His mind automatically rewound back to three years ago to the scene of their 'accident'. The only difference now was that neither of them was pulling away in disgust. …Since when was he a willing participant? His arms suddenly found themselves locked around Sasuke's shoulders.

Back amongst the crowd, a couple of jounins who had witnessed their first kiss through the Sandaime's crystal ball were conversing casually.

"Yep, first time never lies."

"Definitely exhibitionists."

Elsewhere, Kotetsu and Izumo were restraining a murderous, protective Iruka who was out for some Uchiha blood ("Let me go! He can't play around with Naruto's feelings like that!").

Sasuke was pleased with the expression on his visage when they finally broke apart, and Naruto didn't doubt that he must have looked quite dazed at the experience. Everything was wrapped up in a single word: "Success." He squirmed a little when the other was going for round two, just as something red choked and caught both of their attention.

"Ah! S-Sakura-chan… Eh, this… erm… Isn't-! I mean-!"

Said kunoichi was glowing a brilliant shade of red right up to her hair roots.

Seeing her embarrassed and fuming face sent an instinctive jolt of panic through his being, and Naruto hastened to explain nothing before backing away from her clenched fists. They flexed once, twice, and then one hand shot up to point in some random direction. "Just go somewhere more private!" she growled at the both of them. She and Sasuke exchanged an intense, unreadable glance as the latter towed him away like she suggested.

He watched her bite her fingernails in deep thought as they left. Naruto was completely puzzled by the lack of physical violence. He knew Sakura well enough through experience.

If he had asked, he would have heard her sheepish reply.

"…I didn't know who to hit." (4)

-End-

* * *

**AN:**

Done! Hoped you enjoyed reading it! For those who are wondering: 'Uh, are they filming or is it actually happening', the only answer I have for you is that this is a crack-fic (fillers are full of crack themselves). Also, I'll like to apologise to anyone who likes Fuuka (uhhhh…), but before you come at me with knives, I didn't character bash her. She was defeated (somewhat). And no, I'm not bashing the real life director of the series either. This one I have is completely fictional.

(1) Limelight is a lightning technique used by the enemy in attempts to obliterate Konoha. Obviously, they failed.

(2) In the anime, Sora (another filler character) initiated a fight with the battle royale comment after getting on Kiba's and Chouji's bad side. I think he likes brawling, and picks up a fight or starts chaos (in this case) whenever he can.

(3) Is it just me, or does Sakura seem to be a forgotten character? In the show she's emphasised more on being a medic-nin than a fighting machine, unlike Tsunade, whom I feel has proven her capabilities with just her finger flick during her first fight with Naruto. Anyway, I actually planned for Sasuke to take Fuuka down by himself, but I thought Sakura deserved to get a good sock in too. After all, she was livid when she saw her kiss Naruto the second time.

(4) I quite like the idea of Sakura and Sasuke fighting over Naruto, especially after reading 'Mine', a fic written by Jelp. To me, these three always have a complicated relationship. Love triangle!

* * *

**Omake:**

"Back to positions everyone! We've wasted enough time as it is! …And where the hell is Uzumaki Naruto?!"

One of the assistants came shuffling up to him.

"…Erm, director… Hate to break it to you, but… I think Sasuke decided to kidnap him until the fillers are over. Their on the way to… Sound?"

"No, I heard it was Japan, wherever that is," another assistant said. "Mentioned something about catching the second Shippuden movie on screen."

"WHAT?! Damn you, Uchiha!"


End file.
